How to Survive Lunch Duty - a 12 Step Program

Lunch duty. For those who find themselves in year one of this lovely assignment, below is a helpful guide. You will go through a range of emotions while coming to terms with this new role. In order to survive while retaining your good mood (and your appetite) it is important for you to know that you are not alone. But do understand that it takes an entire school year to accept your new reality. However by the end of the year, I can guarantee that you will find yourself at the twelfth step.

Lunch Duty - 12 Steps

1. Disbelief - This is the shortest step. This occurs when you are told by your administrator that you have been assigned daily lunch duty. When you're told the news you will smile and nod and then later express your disbelief to the guidance counselor who shares your lunch duty. This person will be supportive but will also assure you that yes this is happening every day all year.

2. Anger - This step can take some time, especially if you've been assigned 7th grade lunch duty. You will feel outrage - like you've been wronged in some way. You will think a lot about kharma. You will ask yourself, "How have  I wronged the Universe to deserve this?"

3. Denial - "This is not my job. Someone else will have to do this." Unfortunately, you will realize quickly that no one will do this for you - unless the principal tells them to. But there is no amount of goodwill you've given a colleague that will equate them taking your lunch duty.

4. Acceptance - "F*&^! This is my job." This step happens after your first county meeting where you meet others like you who actually are assigned more than one lunch duty in their building.

5. Repulsion - After you've accepted your new responsibility you will start to notice things about lunch duty and you will be grossed out. First you'll notice that school lunches are beige unless there's pizza on the plate. But for the most part, school lunches are an array of earth tones. You'll notice that the smell of the cafeteria is always the same and while it does smell like food, it doesn't make you feel like eating. Let's not even talk about the eating habits of middle school boys.

6. Shock - There are lots of shocking things about lunch duty. I could list 100 or more. But my first year of lunch duty the most shocking thing I saw was my friend Sue eating her own lunch while providing active supervision. The smells, sights, and sounds of 300 8th graders eating their lunch had absolutely no effect on her.

7. Lounge Singer - There's a microphone at lunch duty. When holding that microphone you will fight an irresistible urge to sing show tunes and 80's TV show themes (for me it was and still is "The Love Boat" theme).

8. Inspiration - Your going to have a brilliant idea on how to fix lunch room behavior. (It won't be brilliant or original and probably will involve assigned seats).

9. Admiration - You will discover that there is a person in your building who has all three lunch duties. This person never complains and will even tell you that they like it. You will come to admire that person.

10. Appreciation - You start to realize that you know every student in the grade of your lunch duty. You don't just know them but you see them in a completely new way. You will notice some students sitting off to themselves while others will cram uncomfortably at a popular table. You will notice who sits at the Vera Bradley table and who sits at the table where no one seems to be eating anything. You will notice who cleans up after themselves and who doesn't. You will appreciate all that you see and notice. At some point during the year, this knowledge will be valuable to your colleagues who teach these students in the classroom.

11. Eating - You will eat your lunch during lunch duty. This will happen organically and you will shock even yourself. There will be a day where you just have to. You will be so so so hungry. It just happens.

12. Cleaning - You will pick up food off the floor while simultaneously talking to a colleague and eating your own sandwich. You won't even blink while doing this. This is the final step. This is your new reality and you are fine with it.